The theory of divine frustration.

I have not seen God. But there are people who claim they have.

Many of those who claim so go a step further. They claim not only to have seen Him (or Her), but claim to have done all sorts of activities with Him like walking, talking, walking while talking, sleeping, having lunch, dinner, snacks et al.

Thankfully, there is none yet who has claimed to have had SEX with Him. Or if there is one, I beg pardon for my limited knowledge. Would having SEX with Him be qualified as unnatural? In case that has been the reason none has claimed to have gone to this extent, we might very soon come across someone innovative enough claiming that as well. Remember, Delhi High Court passed a judgment last year legalizing some aspects of Sec 377 of the Indian Penal Code? That decision is yet to be challenged in the highest court of the land.

The people who claim to have so interacted with God are known by various names – some call them Baba, some Father, some Priest, some Maulvies, some Pundits and so on – it all depends on what school of thought one subscribes to. I will call them Godmen, a term very secular and fairly well known.

These Godmen paint a very colorful, yet immensely hazy, picture of the God they claim to have seen. Some say that He has got a billion hands with a million heads (He has to take care of this whole Universe and beyond after all!!) while some say He is just a bright light, brighter than a million suns put together (Is that why those who claim to have seen Him get a bright aura painted at the back of their head?). The purpose of doing so may very well be to keep the queue of their devotees as long as ever. They seem to follow the corporate world funda very well - “Confuse if you can’t convince.” This serves them in right esteem. Some of them are known to have assets going into millions, far greater than even those of some corporate houses.

Religion and Spirituality should be given the legal status of industry. They are big time money churners. They were the first exports that our Motherland made to the outer world.

But, the end point is, I have not seen God. I am not even sure if He exists.

But there is one question that has bothered me always. What am I doing in this world? What is the purpose of my existence? And why only me? This is a question that has been bothering the whole human race since time immemorial. A lot of time has been spent in finding an answer to it. An immense number of books have been written on the subject. But the answer remains elusive as ever.

During the course of my search, I came across a theory. It is not anything great. But I did find it interesting. I do not know who the propounder of the theory is. In any case, in the matters purely of God, it probably does not matter either.

The theory calls itself “The Theory of Divine Frustration.”

It talks of a time beyond the comprehension of the human mind. At that time, there was no life, nor was there our beautiful earth. Not even the solar system as we know it. In fact, it talks about a time when there was no universe at all. The Big-Bang was yet to happen, or to be caused.

There was only one entity that existed then. An entity this theory calls the Frustrated Supreme Power. Where it lived and what it did to pass away its time are questions it does not give answers to.

What it does say however is that FSP was a very powerful creature. He had a lot of brains, but absolutely nothing to do. He was immensely bored with the vast spread of nothingness all around. He had no clue what He was doing there and what the purpose of His existence was. More or less the same questions that we all are searching answers to.

Being so frustrated, one fine morning (just for the heck of saying it – there was obviously no concept of time at that time) He wanted to really f*** someone hard. Not literally, but in the common parlance of using the word. So, He caused a huge explosion in the vast nothingness. This was the same explosion that billions of years down the line the humans were going to christen as the Big Bang.

However, that did not interest Him much. It was not too great a pleasure to see the huge particles emerge out of nothing and travel at immense speed in all the directions possible. Particles simply could not be f***ed. He wanted something that could be.

So, He created life.

But lo! He failed again! The life He created turned out to be a very satisfied one. It was simple and it seemed to enjoy its simplicity. Every morning it woke up with the rising sun and every evening when the sun went down the horizon, it went to its dwelling place for a great night sleep. As against His wishes, it turned out to be quite at peace with itself.

Something is lacking. He thought. Something the absence of which allows life to be so full of life. In spite of the big brain that He had, it took Him a full 7 days to realize His mistake.

Then He created the primitive humans; and gave them a bit of brain. The work done, He reclined back peacefully to enjoy the show. He was sure that He had succeeded this time. He even smiled at Himself.

He was right. It was not long before the early humans fell for the trick. One fine morning they decided that they will use whatever little brains they had; and so thinking they decided to come down the trees. Something suggested them that walking on two legs instead of all four will develop their mental faculty at a faster pace.

Ever since then, they are in the process of what they call development. Millions of years have passed since the morning they had decided to start walking on two legs. Till this day, the process of development continues. The life has gone completely out of control, the level of dissatisfaction has increased and there are lesser and lesser resources left with each passing day. These days, instead of walking in the sun and breathing in the open air, they spend their whole life sitting in cramped offices, mostly in front of a stupid looking, very well known electronic device. Even something as basic and as abundantly present as water is not freely and easily available.

As per The Theory of Divine Frustration, there will never be ample number of people who will realize that the ultimate and sole purpose of their existence in the world is to get f***ed by the FSP. If the number of people who see through the game overtakes the number of those who don’t, the very purpose of their existence will be over and the universe will go up in smoke. Interestingly, it further adds that those who understand the game will be more frustrated than those who don’t.

There indeed is a small school of thought, with a highly constricted following, that earnestly believes that the worst mistake their ancestors ever made was to start walking on two legs instead of all the four. 

Those who subscribe to this school happen to be the most frustrated amongst all.